Careers are the new relationships

At 18, I was 39 kgs, wore a short skirt with aplomb, wasted most of my life at Coffee Pubs and discos and constantly whined about a relationship I want or a relationship I had. Eight years later, I am 52 kgs, looking borderline fat ( nah, just kidding! Am kinda plump but not in kgs but in looks, you see I am one of those whose face can be cut off in cameras, 5 ‘1 with any weight can look fat) and in a deep relationship with my career, so much so that I spend hours thinking “Where am I heading from here?” Imaginary conversations follow and my own personal devils advocate in the name of my conscience speaks out and confuses me even more. It helps to have good colleagues, friends who listen to your work rants on an ISD call and a husband who hugs you and tells you “it’s all cool”. But what is this new career dilemma?

Brief flashback here. I was a literature student. All into the arts, Shakespeare, feminism and long dialogues in poetry. And then, it was my dream to someday write a book, teach Shakespeare to a bunch of teens who would listen in rapture and to travel across the oceans volunteering to teach and do my higher learning. Stop before you go further though, because the dreams never happened. The Gemini who wanted to be everything stepped in. And I took off to Journalism College. A few weeks there and I was already telling myself that I would be a TV Journalist who bravely reported on the BJP’s non-secularism and an occasional celebrity story or a Fashion Week forecast. Correct…you get the hang pretty fast, those things didn’t happen either. It was a whirlwind; soon I wanted to be an advertising professional, a dancer at an awards show, a Radio Jockey and an item girl – all in a day. After college, it was a newspaper (I couldn’t deal with reporting on the South Indian Railway Show), PR (Couldn’t really follow up with Mid Day on the Ranbaxy coverage), Client Servicing (Had enough of kissing the creative guys asses just to make them do their ‘own job’ if you please) Event Management (discussing where to put the standee and what to write on an IBM in-house card) while finally floating to Lifestyle Journalism. And my ship anchored here for now. I had always run away from Fashion magazines thinking to myself that it’s not serious ‘work’ and here I am, enjoying it, reveling in it and making it my big career. Caveat: Through boarding school, college and my masters, I had one big identity. I was always known as the girl to whose room you’ll venture into if you’re looking for a fashion magazine. And now that magazine freak just made it home.

Just before you say ‘aww’ and I pretend to ride into the sunset, let me just say this. Careers are like marriages, no matter where you are, no matter how good the going is, you’ll always be wondering if you’ve made the right choice. And with each jolt you get, you get scared and wonder if this is forever. And that happened last month. I got a jolt of realism, a jolt of ‘is this where I want to be?’ And for the first time in my life, I was doubtful and hopeful. Doubtful because you cannot get away from something because it’s not working out with your boss, and hopeful because you kick ass at your work and why should anyone challenge that.

And ladies and gentleman, I love my job, I give it a 100 on a 100. And it’s changed me as a person, made me discover new things. It gave me a mind of my own, an opinion that counts (I used to be someone who really didn’t have one, like ever), confidence that I’ll never let myself down and great taste in fashion. And though the job is awesome, one has now come to realize that bosses, colleagues, payments, office atmosphere, distances – all go in making it work.

Sometimes it's easier to quit and say, it's not working. It's difficult to stop, pause and take a moment to understand how the biggest relationship in your life works. And how one needs to nurture it, deal with the day to day-ness of it all with patience to take it up a notch higher. And I've decided to give it six months and keep trying.

Maybe, building a career shouldn’t be such hard work.

Today's fare: Nothing is permanent in life, not in the least your job. But what you can REALLY own is a career, and these Christian Louboutin Forever Tina boots. Purple is the colour to flaunt this fall, and so are fringes.