To be happy or not be, That is the mood of the moment

Carrie Bradshaw: What makes you think something bad is gonna happen?
Charlotte York: Because! Nobody gets everything they want! Look at you, look at Miranda. You're good people and you two both got shafted. I'm so happy and... something bad is going to happen.

This was exactly what I was thinking last week. The fact that I had a harrowing ‘office’ bully chase my wits out, the fact that my work hours got longer and my alone time shorter, the fact that a wedding in the family is making me mad with the arrangements and the clothes, the fact that I’m getting a little plumper by the day, the fact that a certain friend has suddenly got busier, more distant and more judgmental, the fact that me in my new found lovable job hadn’t made any new friends in the city…..( heave heave…sigh)

All that vanished last week with just a whiff of Igatpuri and Nashik. A quiet weekend that threatened to take away all kinds of nonsense that filled my head, suddenly had that awkward ring to it. The tension that all this happiness will be taken away. For Good. Maybe it was me in my moods, or the fact that I see disappointment in relationships all around, and the fact that love isn’t what it was before – a commitment that’s forever. I’m not denying the trip made me loosen up, hug tighter and face the world again. This time armed with positivity and courage. But what I’m bothered about is the one thought that lingers.

It’s hard for a girl these days. It’s hard to look around and not see the kind of beauty in love and life that you always wanted to hold tight when you were 18. The fact that there are fewer friends you know who have a great relationship you admire. And sometimes, it’s even harder when you’re so happy and you have someone who has faults nonetheless but who is not really giving you grief for over a year now. You’re more of an outcast than anything else in the realistic world if you’re happy. And you’re always on your guard, waiting for that moment when everything will fall apart like a pack of cards. And you’re always thinking….What if your destiny changed?

And that moment has arrived. I suddenly woke up this morning and I felt doubtlessly content. With the sun on my eyes and the doorbell ringing from my maid, it’s hard to not see the unmistakable ring to life. I realised that I could just embrace what I have or live in fear. And I chose to ignore my surroundings and the awkward thought and move on. And some random television program on Travel & Living echoed my thoughts.

“I don’t believe in destiny because then it would mean that my life’s already decided. I believe in working hard to get what I want in life,”

Amen.


Things I learnt this week

That weekend trips make life more livable. They strip your body off all the grime of a career and put you back on stand.

That I got to make time to meet people in the city. With a hectic job, a travel time that’s no less than a million light years, the loneliness you feel while commuting and no inkling of time to meet anyone – I’m waiting to grow beyond that. It’s not only important to have the close friends but it’s also important to have close friends in the city. To pick you up on a dull day and sit over a nice cuppa.

That nothing is permanent. Even the office bully has to say tata-byebye one day. And the amount of happiness that gushes into your heart can make you feel that you’re on LSD.

That Jerry Mcguire was right. If the heart is empty, the brain is too. And there’s nothing called professional and personal – they’re just two words that mean the same.

That there’s always something to learn from a shoe. That the new Jimmy Choo Gladiator Glennys aren’t for the fraid cat. They’re tight, fit and ready to face the day. Just like I need that faith that I can make it on the darkest days.